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REVIEWS
(Written 1999-2000)
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NES
Super NES
Genesis
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Welcome to the review section, which is on permanent hiatus!  Reviews here come in two varieties:

Movie Reviews
All movies are rated on a scale of 1 to 4.  Feel free to add the phrase "in my opinion" before any statement that I make.  If I say something sucks, that doesn't mean it necessarily sucks, period.  It just means I hated it with a passion.

Game Reviews
These reviews were written from May of 1999 to September of 2000.  I was very young at the time, so if anything here seems too stupid for words... sorry!  New reviews won't be added-- this archive is here for historical purposes.

The Ratings System Explained

100%- Only one game can receive this rating: my favorite game of all time.
90%- An excellent game.  If you don't play it, at least once, then you might as well drop dead!
80%- Pretty great game, and well worth your time.
70%- Good work.  A few things keep it from being great, but the game designers definitely care about you.
60%- A decent game.  If your standards aren't high, you might even end up loving it.
50%- Ho-hum, really average stuff gets this kind of rating.  Move along, folks...
40%- Rather lousy game.  Don't play if you like your games served "good".
30%- Craptacular.  Your mom could write better games, even if she's blind!
20%- Downright nasty.  Playing it is like eating raw oxen carcass.
10%- Have been known to cause vomiting, fatigue, drymouth, and severe rectal tumors.
0%- Playing these games will kill you.


NES (123 Reviews) - The Nintendo Entertainment System was released in 1985, a time when video games were, for the most part, dead.  With hits like Super Mario Bros. and The Legend of Zelda, Nintendo made games profitable again.  Thanks a lot, Big N!

Super NES (94 Reviews) - After losing ground to Sega for two years, Nintendo made a major comeback with their 16-bit Super NES.  The system allowed for much better graphics and sound than the Genesis was capable of, creating the greatest console war of all time.

Nintendo 64 (15 Reviews) - Originally called the "Ultra 64", Nintendo released this cartridge-based system in 1996, a year after the Sony Playstation.  Some of the greatest games ever made were created for the N64, but space limitations, cartridge costs, and the system's kiddie image would ultimately leave it less popular than Sony's wonder machine.

Genesis (108 Reviews) - With Nintendo concentrating the 8-bit market in 1989, Sega saw their chance to strike.  The Genesis shipped with system-selling conversions of arcade hits such as Golden Axe and Ghouls 'n Ghosts.  It easily overtook its only early competitor in the 16-bit market, the TurboGrafx-16.

Playstation (57 Reviews) - Up until the Playstation's release in late 1995, every CD-based system had been a commercial failure.  However, the PSX was extremely powerful for its time, and sported a great launch library.  Hundreds of games, many of them excellent, have since seen light on the PSX.

Saturn (10 Reviews) - Sega blundered with the Saturn, releasing it too early at too high a price tag with too few good games.  Because the system was hard to develop for, most games ended up looking inferior to their PSX counterparts.  Some truly great games were released in the Saturn's short lifespan, but it still ended up selling only about 2 million units in North America.

Movies - I love movies almost as much as I love games.  So, they get their own section.